Two Oh Two Whoah

What could be more fun than having precarious health and no sense of direction, other than having precarious health and no sense of direction in the middle of a pandemic. Oh, and living in the second most COVID-19 infected state in the most infected country in the world. Thankfully I’m at least in the part of New Jersey that is considered a suburb of Philly rather than in the north. (Actually I’m always thankful for that since, as anyone from New Jersey will tell you, the north and the south hate each other.) But yeah, it’s been one hell of a month.

I’ve been sitting here for an hour and a half trying to think of how to make this a cohesive post and I can’t do it. The Depression Monster is bearing down on me and while that usually breeds better writing for me, that’s not the case today. Being one of the vulnerable members of society meant that I had to begin social distancing before most people even knew what that was, but then I managed to come down with a fever the Friday before last and that was a complete nightmare. The chances that I had contracted COVID-19 were slim but I still had to isolate as if I had it, and of course because of the country’s ridiculously limited resources, I wasn’t able to be tested to prove otherwise. The scary thing is that I was most likely experiencing a Lupus flare, and thank God that it didn’t become complicated, but it made me realize how fragile I am – a fact that I still do my best to ignore. That realization, along with the current state of things, has me in a funk. I don’t do well just sitting still. It’s a skill I’m trying to develop but I’m not good at it. However if there was every a time to embrace the art of being still this would be it. So much like the rest of the world I’m sitting, which is probably for the best since I don’t even know where I’m supposed to be going yet. I suppose none of us do.

Dribs & Drabs

  • As you can tell I am writing these entries without any regard to SEO, readability, or images because I would use all of those as an excuse to not write. This entry is shit but at least I wrote.
  • I again made it by the skin of my teeth by posting my monthly entry on the very last day. Hopefully the day will come again when I’ll write for inspiration rather than obligation.
  • Stay inside, everyone. If you do have to go out, wash your hands like you ate a bag of Cheetos and have to put your contacts in.

4 thoughts on “Two Oh Two Whoah

  1. You’re not alone in spirit! đŸ˜› I say that knowing that frankly, it’s little consolation to ME but offer it anyway lol

    Good for you for getting the post in, whether you think it’s great, just OK, or terrible!

    Keep fighting, I think it’s worth it

    • Thank you, my friend. Your comments and words truly mean a lot to me, especially now. I took a very, very hard blow yesterday on top of the already difficult time I’m having. I’d like to think that I could write about it but I’m not sure if I can bring myself to do it, so I’ll share here that we lost our Westie, Spirit, yesterday. She was part of my YIR 2017 because it hasn’t even been three full years that we were able to have her. I’m doing my best to keep fighting and to be strong but I’m just feeling so beat down and I’ll admit even a little hopeless at this moment. I know that is depression lying to me though because I still have so many things to be thankful for and I’m trying so hard to focus on those. Thank you again, Sean, and I hope you and the family are staying safe. <3

    • That’s brilliant to hear, Jo, I’m so happy that you’re hanging in there will the social distancing. đŸ™‚ The only good thing about COVID19 is that it happened when we have the technology to be able to communicate easily with each other. I’m an introvert by nature, so I don’t miss going out to restaurants or stores, but I miss my friends and family. Honestly I think it’s because I’m hurting so much right now that I’m having such a difficult time with separation from everyone. As I told Sean, we lost our Westie, Spirit, yesterday and I’m completely heartbroken. This on top of how depressed I was before is making it very difficult. All I can do is pray that God gives me the strength to get through the storm because I don’t feel strong right now.

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