This is the End of 2013

I don’t think it’s a surprise to anyone who has been reading my blog for any length of time that I haven’t been feeling like myself for several months now.

For one thing, I just cannot get used to this new site. I know you’re probably all sick of hearing about it, and I know that I should get over it all, but this new format just will not work correctly for me. Every time I come on here it’s a fucking reminder that I failed, that there is something that I didn’t do correctly in that motherfucking stupid migration and it’s just shitting all over everything. There are several elements of this site that aren’t working correctly on the back end, which make things more difficult for me personally, but I’ll be honest and admit that the biggest thing that pisses me off is knowing that as I write this that I have about 2,000 feed subscribers and nearly 1,000 Google subscribers who aren’t having my new post show up in their feed, and it fucking sucks!

Whats more is that, since not seeing my own post in my own feed (seriously, it doesn’t even show up in my own fucking feed) sets me stupid, I haven’t looked at my blog subscriptions for over two months, and therefore haven’t read your posts either. Yes, I admit it: I suck. I might not have always commented on your posts, but I stayed up to date with at least reading them and I haven’t even done that for almost two months. Feel free to boo and hiss at your leisure. I completely deserve it.

Besides my hangup over my site not working which is affecting my mental state and create output, the other shitty thing that recently happened is that my mother was in a car accident in October. She’s relatively okay considering that her car was fucking destroyed, but “relatively okay” isn’t exactly great, and it has most certainly mucked up the wiring in my brain. And while it has affected my immediate state of writing, it has more importantly been a contributing factor in making a major decision that I have been wrestling with about the current road I have been traveling.
But that decision, and what will become of it, is a story for another post.
This post is… me saying I’m sorry? A confession? An explanation? I don’t even know. Whatever you want to call it, whether it justifies my absence–my lack of creative activity, my failings–or not, it is what it has always been. It’s been me.

Complicated.
Conflicting.
Flawed.
Me.

I was once told that the most important lesson in writing is to tell the truth, and I’ve always tried to maintain that despite the predominantly autobiographical nature of this blog. I had originally planned to end this “Year in Review” post at May lest it sound like I was descending into some sort of maudlin pity party, but then that wouldn’t be very truthful would it?

And so I present it all. My year–my life–as I have always offered it: without pretenses or censorship. Just me.

That said, my dear reader, I would not blame you at all for skipping over the ugly bits which begin to surface in May (or the following of this post in its entirety for that matter because…bluuurrrrrgh), but I will however make a concentrated effort to read your 2013 Year in Review Post (because you know you will do one), or whatever post you have deemed fit to end this infamously Fibonaccian of years.

Lovely 13.
You were supposed to be mine own.

January

In a true illustration that the best ideas do NOT come from Pinterest, I set my ass on fire with in a ginger detox bath. I then did the Polar Bear Plunge in Wildwood to benefit the Special Olympics. (<SHAMELESS PLUG!> Incidentally, I’m doing this again because I’m not so selfish as to not realize that there are those who have heavier cross to bear than my own, and I could really use your support in meeting my pledge goal. Please pledge here!</SHAMELESS PLUG!>)

February

I had an adventure with the home vet involving projectile shit and it was just as magical as it sounds. For her birthday, I made my mother a comic about her love/hate relationship with Farmville. Then I had a run-in with the self-harm bitch as a precursor to Kira’s forthcoming surgery. At the time I told myself I was being ridiculous and that Kira would be fine. Lesson learned: never ignore your instincts as we will see next month.

March

Kira nearly died during dental surgery.
I cannot express the anger that I still harbor for the vet that nearly killed her from an overdose of sedative. It is in fact very, very difficult to not wish something fucking horrible on the stupid fuck-cunt that nearly killed her.

April

The sink exploded in my kitchen and I ripped it out with my bare hands. (And replaced it.) I then contemplated buying my dog grain alcohol.
My uncle died after a long battle.

May

I adopted my “son”, my boy dog, the one that I always knew I would have yet didn’t know how it could be possible, and who makes 2013 end up in the “plus” column despite everything.
I love you, Seamus the Horny Boy.

June

I did not write about this but my coworker’s husband passed quiet suddenly on June 1 while they were on their way to South Carolina. In fact, he died in a manner very near to my father’s sudden passing and between this similarity and an overabundance of empahty, this affected me a lot more than it should have. It resulted in working double shifts at my “part time” job all month while my coworker was out in mourning, but that didn’t upset me nearly as much as thinking about what she was going through.

In mid-June, I went to a Derby themed bridal shower, and it was as pretentious as it sounds, though the truly spectacular absurdity happened when I went to buy the fucking hat for the stupid event. And in related news, I joined Instagram. There was also a flash of “pretty fucking awesome” when I was informed that I was referenced in the Alternate History aka “Steampunk” textbook being used in Universities all over the world.

July

I made a handy-dandy insult sheet which, despite a spelling error, has been repinned about 300(?) times on Pinterest last I checked. (And yes I know that this isn’t exactly a “viral” pin, but it’s pretty fucking brilliant to me so I’ma celebratin’ like WHOOOAHHHH!) I then had a battle with motherfucking huge ants which resulted in a Game of Thrones pun that landed me in the official Game of Thrones paper. Finally, I took my new family of two furry children, plus our family pup for a total of three furry creatures, to the beach…and it was a disaster from Hell.

Another loss came when my dear Celia had to say good-bye to her beloved Audrey. This, again, was something that upset me more than a normal person should allow.

The worst though? The thing that I did not write about yet alluded to? I had a literary agent, and my long-talked about novel was about to be locked down for print, but she decided to drop my manuscript in favor of focusing on the Young Adult genre. I honestly cannot blame her for making a constructed career choice considering all of the recent blockbusters have been based on YA books, but the other part of me has added her name to the list of people I will scream “I told you I was worth something!” to when my stupid fucking work is published and doing well.
(Fuck me, I’m just praying I can really say that one day.)

August

I ripped apart the overgrown garden in my mother’s yard. (You can already see the mental slide there). AND THEN! I fell into the ultimate pit of I’m-Going-To-Destroy-Everything-I’ve-Worked-For when I decided to migrate from a third-party site to a self hosted one and fucked it up in a truly spectacular fashion. During that migration I adopted a Foster Baby Sparrow. I had her for a week until that fucking asshole, Death, came and took her.

September

I, personally, destroyed your chances of ever finding Chicken and Waffles Potato Chips again, which pissed off my mother quite a bit. I also let go of trying to fix this site. (Only not really since, as you read above, I can’t even look at the fucking site without wanting to throw my computer across the room.)

October

My mother was in a car accident.
My biological grandfather died. Again, shouldn’t have been upset, but was not for nothing else than he was husband to my grandmother, Kathryn.
I celebrated publishing 200 posts which was a fucking miracle considering my attention span. I decided to use the occasion to celebrate a cause that’s dear to my heart, animal rescue, by inviting readers to share their animal rescue stories. I received so many wonderful stories that I had to create a second part of the 200th post.

November

Again, death came calling when another coworker’s father lost his battle with ALS. And once again I’ll admit that I felt too much empathy and sank further into the pit as I talked with her about what it was like to lose a parent too soon. Given my current mental state I recalled my previous experience with seeing a counselor. That entry actually is kind of a big deal since it was the first thing I’d written in a long time without worrying about if it was properly “bloggy”.

December

The alternator went on the car I found for my mother. We also agreed that she couldn’t keep working with her head and neck injured as it is from the accident, and I came to the decision to seek a full-time job in a previous field. I’ve an interview today in fact.
I made this post which you are reading.

On to the future

So, in closing, I’m not going to be sad that 2013 was a terrible disappointment, and I’m not going to feel like I’m taking a step backward. I’m going to be thankful that 2014 means that I have an opportunity to do better, and that I’m still going forward toward the goal that I want. The path has just changed a bit.

Best wishes for 2014 to you, my dear peeps.

sad happy new year, 2014

29 thoughts on “This is the End of 2013

  1. I know how hard this year has been for you but I have to say that I know there have been other positive parts of the year that didn’t make it on here. There are glowing, amazing, bright spots in your being that will shine through in 2014. There is no growth without trial and no progress without hard work. You’ve had your share of trials this year so I know the next one will start to pay off for you.

    LOVE YOU!

    • I’m sure that there were bright spots that I missed but I’m having trouble finding the sunshine in this frame of mind. That’s terrible since I should try to focus on the positive.

  2. Much as we often feel like flawed failures, and I’m right there with you on that, for various reasons similar and different, I believe we’re NOT what we do, good or bad. In the brief time I’ve been following your writing and sharing, I count you as a friend and think you’re a pretty excellent person.

    Thanks again for allowing me (and all of your readers & friends) to get to know you through your words and thanks again for sharing with us. You may not feel it, but you’re inspirational in many ways.

    I’m thrilled the holidays are beginning to recede in the rear-view mirror and that the year is finally about over. Here’s to a better 2014!

  3. You have had a roller coaster ride of a year but you are still one hell of an awesome writer!! Don’t forget that. If your blog is giving you problems, talk to a professional and get it right. It’s worth it.

    Your pet stories post(s) was so awesome. I loved the happiness and pet love that resonated from it. You did great doing that one.

    I hope your Mom is ok. Having been in a car wreck resulting in neck injuries, I understand how she feels. Time will help. When it happened to me I just remember thinking “thank God I’m alive”.

    So don’t dwell on the negatives Kat. Let 2014 be all about the positives. Even if they are tiny.

    Love and hugs and Happy New Year!!

    • Thank you so much for the vote of confidence, Barb. When I’m feeling like this the first thing that crashes is my confidence in my writing, so I really appreciate the support. I do know that things will improve, including my mother’s head and neck, but I’m just feeling very bluuurgh right now. Love and hugs and best wishes for 2014 to you too, my friend. =)

  4. Bless you lady, I’m as bad as you at times. If not worse. I’m only reading this post as you Google plus’d it. Actually, not true. Having read your review, seems I haven’t missed too many of your posts this year at least. That blows about your book, but never fear you’ll get there. Can’t see how not myself πŸ™‚
    Hope you sort out your site frustrations too, I’m too scared to move mine! Here’s *raises tea mug* to 2014! xx

    • That’s actually good to hear that you read this through google plus because I’m a pimping fool, hitting ALL of the social media outlets and it’s good to know that they work! *raises Tequila to toast you back*

  5. I stopped relying on blog subscriptions long ago. If it’s a blog I want to read I’ll either visit it on my own or see a reminder on Facebook (since I’ll follow them) and read from there. I’m here right now because of Facebook.

    And while this year may have had its hardships, a lot of good came from it as well. Don’t forget the effect you had with that 200th post celebration. You touched a lot of people and got a lot of folks to band together for a good cause, myself included.

    • My pet rescues posts are actually the posts that I am most proud of, and I do hope that they helped convince people just how wonderful it is to adopt a dog or cat. Thank you so much again for contributing, Bryan. =) I wish I had your memory on the sites that I enjoy reading without my subscription list I know that I miss several if I’m not looking–particularly if they don’t have their own domains. Long time peeps (yours, Jewels, ect) I know and check on my own but I hate miss others. I have to simply get over my anger with my site, which is not easy for someone of Irish descent.

  6. As I was reading your ‘year in review’, I was thinking, “Isn’t this how everyone’s year has gone?”. And, so I took a moment to reflect on my own, and I’m glad I did because it showed me what an asshole I can be. I really can only think of one significant thing that affected me in the ways you described. The death of my cat. I had him for 17 years. That was it. One thing. I was asked to deal with one major change in my life the entire year, and really, other than missing his meow, and jumping up on my lap all the time, it hasn’t been all that serious an adjustment. I mean, the process was terrible, but the aftermath, really not that bad.
    What I’m trying to say is that I can empathize with your year when I compare it to my ridiculously simple one. Out with the old and in with the new. Change can’t happen without getting rid of old shit. May 2014 be a thousand times better for you.
    Oh, and don’t worry, you really didn’t miss much on my blog. Unless you like Halloween, then go find that post and check out all the pumpkins.
    Andrea

    • I absolutely WILL look for the post because not only do I love Halloween but I fucking LOVE pumpkins!
      And no, losing a family member (be they non-furry or furry) completely justifies telling a year that it was shitty. I’m so sorry for your loss, Andrea. If you are able to, it might help (and make 2014 happier) to adopt another cat who would benefit from you love. No one will ever take his place, but if you have the love to give then it does help to heal.

      • I couldn’t agree with you more. Besides, I’ve had a black cat in my life for 35 out of my 37 years on this planet, and nothing goes better with all those pumpkins than a beautiful, black kitty. I’m keeping my eyes (and heart) open.

    • It did suck, but I just remind myself that it could have been a lot worse. She’s still in pain but I’m looking foward to improvement in 2014. OPTIIMISM GO!

  7. You’ve had quite the year, haven’t you?

    But, just think of all the laughter you created in the re-telling of many of your stories. Mostly because we know that if put in similar spots, similar shit would also happen to us.

    Here’s hoping that 2014 is better all round and you find someone else to publish that book of yours. Once it’s published, I wanna know where to buy it. :o)

    • I have had quite the year, though it’s nothing compared to yours which I just read! Whew! I haven’t given up on the publishing, and it’s going to happen, but I’ll admit that it was nice to take a rest from the push to get it done this year. I will certainly let you know when it happens and your support means lot, J. =)

  8. That has been one terribly exhausting year and I’m sorry to hear about your mom’s car accident. 2013 was a really weird one and I’m hoping that 2014 will be much improved (keeping my fingers crossed for you as well). Take care of yourself during the holidays!

  9. Ciao my lovely! I’m sending a message to the universe that 2014 has to be marvelous for you! Your friendship is one I cherish and I only wish you the best with everything you want to do. I love your writing and I love you!

    Send my love to your mom too. I hope she’s doing a bit better as each day passes. Also a big hug to your cute fluffies!

    xoxo!

    • My fluffies are very thankful for the virtual hugs, and thank you for the well wishes for my mother. =) Sending all of my love and virtual hugs and cupcakes to you, lovely girl. <3

  10. I am so glad that your mom is okay after that car accident! With all of your stories that you’ve told us about her, she’s become one of my favorite people that I’ve never actually met. I sincerely wish for her to have a full recovery as soon as possible.

    Anyway…I’m sure that 2014 is going to be your year. I hereby declare that you shall kick some serious @$$, and be the most impressively awesome human alive. Here’s sending you lots of good vibes for the New Year!

    • My mother read your comment (she does read my posts after I assure her AGAIN that it’s not an invasion of privacy to do so) and said to tell you thank you. =) I hereby declare lots of awesomeness for us ALL and sending return good vibes to you to, my dear. <3

  11. I am equally sucky in the reading aspect. I am so, so sorry that you had such a rough year. I’m hoping that you are able to grab 2014 and beat the shit out of it in only a way that you can. Happy New Year darling!

    • I feel bad complaining so much about this year since I’ve definitely had worse ones, but I’ll say it was disappointing. There was good though, and of course the major thing was adopting Seamus so I’m going to put 2013 in the plus column. Best wishes for kicking 2014 to you too, love!

  12. After having my site get stolen from spammers (even though it was my fault) I understand the stress and avoidance it causes. I am completely behind on blog reading!

    But the good news is, it’s a new year. I feel really positive about 2014. I hope it’s a great one for you! I wish I could offer help on your blog issues, but of course I have no earthly clue. I was lucky to figure out WordPress to any degree at all. But you do show up in my Bloglovin feed, so that’s good news!

    And I’m glad you found my new blog! Thanks for the tequila πŸ™‚

  13. Congrats! I’ve nominated your blog for a Liebster Award. You can play along and nominate others or not, either way the award is yours because I think you’re fabulous. 

    Go to my blog post for instructions (near the bottom): http://robinkalinich.wordpress.com/2014/02/03/shrimp-kisses-and-other-bits-of-delightfulness/

    Go to this link if you want to see where it started: http://ernsangia.wordpress.com/2014/02/02/nina-kaytel-and-the-liebster-award/

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