My Two Favorite Animals & My Big-Mistake Son (An Interactive Post!)

As is typical in most doctor’s offices, the staff at my second job is made of all females with the exception of one male whom I adore. Oliver is fourteen years younger than I am so I tell them I’m technically old enough to be his mother.

“You can’t leave, Oliver! You’re like a son to me!” I told him when he announced that he would be leaving our office since he was transferring to college near Trenton.
He laughed.
“It’s not funny! You’re my son, Oliver! You know why? Because we’re family!” I insisted bear-hugging him until his face started to turn purple.

This might sound like I’m the antagonist in our parental relationship but this is not the case. I’m as innocent as a baby shark lamb. Take our exchange from a few weeks ago. I was at work minding my own business when Oliver came up and demanded that I name my favorite animal and then give three reasons why they are my favorite.

Rage face

My typical expression during these conversations with my brat “son”.

“Why?” I asked him looking up from the chart that I was prepping and crooked an eyebrow at him.
“It’s a game.”
I gave him a half-lidded stare.
“You don’t have anything better to do? Aren’t there charts that need to be filed?” I lectured like the Big-Mistake Mother that I am.
“They’re all done. Just answer the question. It’s fun!”
“Fine,” I sighed. “I like horses, but if it came down to it I guess dogs in general are my favorite animals.”
“And what are three reasons that like them?”
“Because they are loving and loyal and fun to play with.” I turned my attention back to my stack of charts.
“Alright, and what’s your second favorite?”
I threw my hands in the air and shook my head. “I have to give you another?”
“Yeah, just one more,” he insisted.
“Okay, then I’ll go back to horses. And I like them because they are beautiful and graceful and strong.” I added before he could ask for my three reasons.

[Pauses story here]

Here comes the interactive portion of the post! I’ll pause and let you think of your two favorite animals and the three reasons that you like each of them! FUN FUN FUN!

[Continues story]

“Ha!” Oliver snickered.
“What?” I demanded.
“Well I just learned in Psychology that the first animal that you name possess the qualities that you look for in a mate. And the second animal is how you see yourself.”
“No it doesn’t! You made this up!” I swatted him with the chart in my hand.
“No really! We did the exercise today!” he insisted. Then he took a step back and smirked. “So you think you’re beautiful, graceful and strong. You are really conceited, Kat!”
He took off down the hall before I could smack him again.
“This game sucks and you are a brat!” I snarled at his retreating ass.

Yes, I’m definitely going to miss my “son”.

12 thoughts on “My Two Favorite Animals & My Big-Mistake Son (An Interactive Post!)

  1. I’m a guy and my first animal would be a bird of prey, like a hawk, because they’re fierce, top of the food chain and they can fly to escape what few things may threaten them. Definitely not qualities I seek in a mate or see in myself. You should teach you little boy not to assume everything he learns in school is always right.

  2. So…my favorite animal is “cats” in general…(all kinds) because they are awesome, they have strong, distinct personalities, and loving (if treated right). And my second fave would be gorillas, (I’ve always loved gorillas) because they’re intelligent, they have tight bonds within their groups, and they are actually very peaceful (until you inadvertently challenge one, then they are crazy-ass mofos). So I’m I consider myself basically intelligent, loyal peacekeeper unless you fuck with my strong, interesting-personalitied, loving mate, and they I go crazy on ‘yo ass.
    Actually sounds pretty accurate. lol

    Funny note: I’ve been working on losing weight and the other day at work, I was thinking to myself “I feel like my waist is getting smaller” and then my very next thought was “yeah, smaller if I was a gorilla.” So maybe I AM a gorilla? 😉 lol

  3. BAH! My favorite animal is – very specifically – a Chihuahua… my second? A sloth. So basically I want a jittery, high maintenance little bratty but oh-so-stinkin’ adorable man? And I consider myself a lazy, hairy creature with my only purpose to live is eating, sleeping, and pooping?

    Yeah. I’m just going to leave that alone.

    PS. I had a “work son” that just left me this summer for a big fancy internship at an accounting firm and on to his Masters program. I am the proudest work-mom ever. I just KNOW he couldn’t have done it without me.

  4. Tigers have always been my favorite animal, because they are strong, beautiful and unpredictable (hubby can be this for sure)
    And my second is of course lizards
    Clever, sleek and able to be still for in a sunny spot all day – and that is why my hammock is in a lovely sunny spot

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