So you know that shit to which I referred in this video post here?*
*I find it somewhat hilarious when I curse and yet use proper English.**
**That said, I’m easily amused.***
***Especially by my own humor.
Anyway! I’m stupid busy with that shit, yet trying to maintain a better blogging schedule (because who doesn’t want to up the ante on their blog posts when they have a deadline to finish rewrites on their first novel and the pressure is ridiculously on, right???) and luckily I found this little ditty in my drafts folder thanks to some questions posed by my girl Jewels a while ago on her blog. This is actually perfect because I’ve received a number of really weird? personal? WTF? questions in my email and various DMs and I’m going to add my answers to those questions at the bottom.
1. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
2. Do you believe in ghosts?
Yes. I don’t discriminate against a person just because they don’t have a body.
3. Would you be willing to go on a cross country (driving) trip with me?
More than willing, in fact I think that we should do this because I’ve always wanted to drive to Hawaii.
4. If you could only watch one show for the rest of your life what would it be?
Cupcake Wars. As long as Florian Bellanger remained one of the judges. (I fucking love him!)
5. If you could only read one author until the end of time who would it be?
I’m going to go with George R.R. Martin because I really want to know how the “Song of Fire and Ice” series ends, and at the rate he’s writing, it’s going to take until the end of time for him to finish it.
6. If you HAD to get something pierced what would it be?
A Tragus or a Helix because I kinda want those anyway.
7. Given a choice of a mystery meaning Chinese symbol, butterfly, or zodiac tattoo which would you pick? (You HAVE to pick one)
A butterfly. Zodiac is hoo-ha, and a former friend of mine had a Chinese symbol tattooed on himself that he found out later literally translated to “Kill Whitey”. And then there’s this:
8. Would you rather have sex with Wilford Brimley/Susan Boyle or give up sex for good?
Well I’m not a lesbian, and I’d rather not give up the option to have sex, so I’ll go with Wilfy. He and his “die-beetus” wouldn’t last long anyway.
9. What would you pay for a vaccination that prevents kids from being bitchy, sassy, dickheads?
I already have a vaccination for this. It’s called The Naughty Box.
10. Would you rather serve a week in prison or try and survive for a year alone in a jungle?
Jungle. Easy. Only I wouldn’t just survive, I’d be ruling that shit by the time a year was over. And everyone who visited would be greeted with “Do you know where you are? You’re in the jungle, baby. You’re gonna diiiiiiie!”
11. What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?
You smell nice.
BONUS ROUND OF QUESTIONS ASKED ME PERSONALLY VIA TWITTER/EMAIL
How old are you? (Number one question I get asked.)
Old. Like super old.
Let me put it this way, there is a reason that I write about vampires.
Are your stories really true? (The majority of the time this question refers to the story about what I did to The Cheating Dude and his keys.)
With the exception of the story about the toaster, yes, the stories involving me are true. I’m seriously a magnet for WTF, and I’m just blessed that I (seem to) have an effective enough writing voice to convey just how bizzare some of this shit is.
Why haven’t there been any stories about S. lately?
This is my own fault since I probably didn’t state it clearly in the post that I wrote , but S. succumbed to the cancer that she had been fighting on the day before Thanksgiving in 2011.
What kind of dog is Kira?
A Brat-skimo: 100% American Eskimo* and 100% Brat
*Kira is a runt though and only about 12 lbs when she should be closer to 20.
Did you go to school to be a writer?
No, with the exception of a few courses, I didn’t go to college period. I said that I graduated from a college to get into first “real” job and then moved my way up by always asking for more responsibilities. I do not advocate this at all, however when I left that job I was the head of the department and had reorganized it so that the practice was making twice as much as it had under my predecessor who had a Masters degree.*
*And by admitting this I realize that I’ve given my future spawn a massive weapon to use against me when I harangue them about the merits of proper education.
Since turnabout is fair play, here are some questions for you all!
1-Did you ever wonder how they get the “M”s on M&Ms?
2-If you could only read one book for the rest of you life, what would you have for a snack?
3-What was the first CD that you ever bought? (Not record or tape, but CD.)
4-Are you stealing your Internet? If so where are you located because I’m tired of paying for mine.
5-Do you think that I’m joking?
6-Should I keep asking questions?
7-If you answered “no” to number 6, why did you read this? If you answered “yes”, are you mental?
8-If you answered number 7 yet said “no” to number 6, are you a Cthuhlu? If you answered “yes” to both number 6 and 7, then you are probably me.
9-I talk to myself.
10-Number 9 wasn’t a question unless you are me, then you know what I was asking.
11-Are you sleeping okay, dear?
Finally, since I’m sure that I’ve just told you all way more than you ever wanted to know about me, I’m chalking this entry up as Number 23 on my terribly neglected List of Shameless Shit: “Air one of your secrets.”