A Peek In My Brain (God Help You All) Aka: LOOK WHAT I FOUND IN DRAFTS!!!

So you know that shit to which I referred in this video post here?*

*I find it somewhat hilarious when I curse and yet use proper English.**

**That said, I’m easily amused.***

***Especially by my own humor.

reblog for stupid questions

(You’re gonna get some soon.)

Anyway! I’m stupid busy with that shit, yet trying to maintain a better blogging schedule (because who doesn’t want to up the ante on their blog posts when they have a deadline to finish rewrites on their first novel and the pressure is ridiculously on, right???) and luckily I found this little ditty in my drafts folder thanks to some questions posed by my girl Jewels a while ago on her blog. This is actually perfect because I’ve received a number of really weird? personal? WTF? questions in my email and various DMs and I’m going to add my answers to those questions at the bottom.

1. What side of the bed do you sleep on?

The top.

2. Do you believe in ghosts?

Yes. I don’t discriminate against a person just because they don’t have a body.

3. Would you be willing to go on a cross country (driving) trip with me?

More than willing, in fact I think that we should do this because I’ve always wanted to drive to Hawaii.

4. If you could only watch one show for the rest of your life what would it be?

Cupcake Wars. As long as Florian Bellanger remained one of the judges. (I fucking love him!)

5. If you could only read one author until the end of time who would it be?

I’m going to go with George R.R. Martin because I really want to know how the “Song of Fire and Ice” series ends, and at the rate he’s writing, it’s going to take until the end of time for him to finish it.

6. If you HAD to get something pierced what would it be?

A Tragus or a Helix because I kinda want those anyway.

7. Given a choice of a mystery meaning Chinese symbol, butterfly, or zodiac tattoo which would you pick? (You HAVE to pick one)

A butterfly. Zodiac is hoo-ha, and a former friend of mine had a Chinese symbol tattooed on himself that he found out later literally translated to “Kill Whitey”. And then there’s this:

English tattoo on Asian girl

8. Would you rather have sex with Wilford Brimley/Susan Boyle or give up sex for good?

Well I’m not a lesbian, and I’d rather not give up the option to have sex, so I’ll go with Wilfy. He and his “die-beetus” wouldn’t last long anyway.

9. What would you pay for a vaccination that prevents kids from being bitchy, sassy, dickheads?

I already have a vaccination for this.  It’s called The Naughty Box.

10. Would you rather serve a week in prison or try and survive for a year alone in a jungle?

Jungle. Easy. Only I wouldn’t just survive, I’d be ruling that shit by the time a year was over.  And everyone who visited would be greeted with “Do you know where you are?  You’re in the jungle, baby.  You’re gonna diiiiiiie!”

11. What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?

You smell nice.

BONUS ROUND OF QUESTIONS ASKED ME PERSONALLY VIA TWITTER/EMAIL

How old are you? (Number one question I get asked.)

Old. Like super old.

Let me put it this way, there is a reason that I write about vampires.

Are your stories really true? (The majority of the time this question refers to the story about what I did to The Cheating Dude and his keys.)

With the exception of the story about the toaster, yes, the stories involving me are true. I’m seriously a magnet for WTF, and I’m just blessed that I (seem to) have an effective enough writing voice to convey just how bizzare some of this shit is.

Why haven’t there been any stories about S. lately?

This is my own fault since I probably didn’t state it clearly in the post that I wrote , but S. succumbed to the cancer that she had been fighting on the day before Thanksgiving in 2011.

What kind of dog is Kira?

A Brat-skimo: 100% American Eskimo* and 100% Brat
*Kira is a runt though and only about 12 lbs when she should be closer to 20.

Did you go to school to be a writer?

No, with the exception of a few courses, I didn’t go to college period. I said that I graduated from a college to get into first “real” job and then moved my way up by always asking for more responsibilities. I do not advocate this at all, however when I left that job I was the head of the department and had reorganized it so that the practice was making twice as much as it had under my predecessor who had a Masters degree.*

*And by admitting this I realize that I’ve given my future spawn a massive weapon to use against me when I harangue them about the merits of proper education.

Since turnabout is fair play, here are some questions for you all!

1-Did you ever wonder how they get the “M”s on M&Ms?
2-If you could only read one book for the rest of you life, what would you have for a snack?
3-What was the first CD that you ever bought? (Not record or tape, but CD.)
4-Are you stealing your Internet? If so where are you located because I’m tired of paying for mine.
5-Do you think that I’m joking?
6-Should I keep asking questions?
7-If you answered “no” to number 6, why did you read this? If you answered “yes”, are you mental?
8-If you answered number 7 yet said “no” to number 6, are you a Cthuhlu? If you answered “yes” to both number 6 and 7, then you are probably me.
9-I talk to myself.
10-Number 9 wasn’t a question unless you are me, then you know what I was asking.
11-Are you sleeping okay, dear?

Finally, since I’m sure that I’ve just told you all way more than you ever wanted to know about me, I’m chalking this entry up as Number 23 on my terribly neglected List of Shameless Shit: “Air one of your secrets.”

14 thoughts on “A Peek In My Brain (God Help You All) Aka: LOOK WHAT I FOUND IN DRAFTS!!!

  1. I love that you answered these questions! I’d honestly forgotten that I asked them. haha. These are OLD. I honestly saw you in my head, all banana leaf skirt and leather bra top screaming “You’re gonna dieeeeeee” and laughed out loud. 😀

    Great answers, doll. CANNOT wait to see you Saturday!

  2. 1-Did you ever wonder how they get the “M”s on M&Ms? – it’s robot code. it’s how we…i mean they keep up with you from your insides

    2-If you could only read one book for the rest of you life, what would you have for a snack? Fight Club, vanilla wafer peanut butter sammiches

    3-What was the first CD that you ever bought? (Not record or tape, but CD.) – Paul’s Boutique – Beastie Boys, August 1989

    4-Are you stealing your Internet? If so where are you located because I’m tired of paying for mine. no

    5-Do you think that I’m joking? – yes, so am i, we’re related in another life

    6-Should I keep asking questions? – your call

    7-If you answered “no” to number 6, why did you read this? If you answered “yes”, are you mental? – you know me, of course i’m mental

    8-If you answered number 7 yet said “no” to number 6, are you a Cthuhlu? If you answered “yes” to both number 6 and 7, then you are probably me. my head hurts now, jerkhole

    9-I talk to myself. and me

    10-Number 9 wasn’t a question unless you are me, then you know what I was asking. – yep

    11-Are you sleeping okay, dear? – no, just changed my anxiety meds….i won’t sleep for at least another week, and i’m part robot

    Hi kitty kat

  3. That’s a pretty awesome post for an old draft you had lying around! You would be hilarious to interview Kat. Slept very well last night thanks, no small people woke me up in the night which always helps. You?

  4. Do I have to google Wilfred Bromley? I have no idea who he is.
    I loved these questions and answers. The M& M question made me think of my friends son who refers to McDonalds as “Yellow M”
    I m thinking my frst CD was Julian Lennon..not sure, would have to dig through the collection.
    Do remember buying my first CD player duty free and carying the damn thing to Fiji and back. Actually it was the idiot I was married to at the time who bought it, the cds we bought at a little shop in Melbourne on the way home that had them cheap, hence Julian Lennon…

  5. 1-Did you ever wonder how they get the “M”s on M&Ms? Nope.
    2-If you could only read one book for the rest of you life, what would you have for a snack? Pop rocks.
    3-What was the first CD that you ever bought? (Not record or tape, but CD.) Prince.
    4-Are you stealing your Internet? If so where are you located because I’m tired of paying for mine. No.
    5-Do you think that I’m joking? No.
    6-Should I keep asking questions? Probably not.
    7-If you answered “no” to number 6, why did you read this? If you answered “yes”, are you mental? Because OCD.
    8-If you answered number 7 yet said “no” to number 6, are you a Cthuhlu? If you answered “yes” to both number 6 and 7, then you are probably me. No.
    9-I talk to myself. I figured.
    10-Number 9 wasn’t a question unless you are me, then you know what I was asking. Pretty princess pickle bunny.
    11-Are you sleeping okay, dear? Meh. The side-sleeper pro pillow isn’t working as well as I thought it would.

  6. 1-Did you ever wonder how they get the “M”s on M&Ms?

    Really careful elves with rubber stamps.

    2-If you could only read one book for the rest of you life, what would you have for a snack?

    A peach

    3-What was the first CD that you ever bought? (Not record or tape, but CD.)

    First one I owned was Green Day’s Dookie, but first one I bought might have been BIlly Joel’s River of Dreams. I don’t remember.

    4-Are you stealing your Internet? If so where are you located because I’m tired of paying for mine.

    Nope, but there are days I’d like to.

    5-Do you think that I’m joking?

    Not at all 🙂

    6-Should I keep asking questions?

    Go for it!

    7-If you answered “no” to number 6, why did you read this? If you answered “yes”, are you mental?

    To steal your answer from this morning, why do you think your BFF was my BFF when we were little. 😉

    8-If you answered number 7 yet said “no” to number 6, are you a Cthuhlu? If you answered “yes” to both number 6 and 7, then you are probably me.

    If I’m you, I think the universe would warp more than it has.

    9-I talk to myself.

    All the time.

    10-Number 9 wasn’t a question unless you are me, then you know what I was asking.

    11-Are you sleeping okay, dear?

    When I remember not to twist the knee with the hyperextended ligament, yes.

  7. I’d go with the week in a jail over a year in a jungle. I’ve done 3 days in a jungle and thought I’d go ape shit. My blood is sweeter than the Canadian maple syrup I sip like if it were aged whiskey. And I’m way too lazy and distracted to answer your questions. All I can say is the M is on the M&M for ME. Marie. That’s the god’s honest truth.

  8. 1-Did you ever wonder how they get the “M”s on M&Ms? No, but I’ve wondered how they get the chocolate center into the shell.
    2-If you could only read one book for the rest of you life, what would you have for a snack? An edible version of “Catcher in the Rye.”
    3-What was the first CD that you ever bought? (Not record or tape, but CD.)A Savage Garden CD. The one with the song about swimming with you in the ocean and bathing with you in the sea
    4-Are you stealing your Internet? If so where are you located because I’m tired of paying for mine.No, in fact my Wireless is named “My Internet is Terrible” to ward off potential Internet bandits
    5-Do you think that I’m joking?Always.
    6-Should I keep asking questions?No, but considering I copied 11 questions into this comment form, I am going to assume that you are going to continue.
    7-If you answered “no” to number 6, why did you read this? If you answered “yes”, are you mental?Because I am slightly OCD.
    8-If you answered number 7 yet said “no” to number 6, are you a Cthuhlu? If you answered “yes” to both number 6 and 7, then you are probably me.Yes.
    9-I talk to myself.I know I do.
    10-Number 9 wasn’t a question unless you are me, then you know what I was asking.You’re not even going to answer that.
    11-Are you sleeping okay, dear?No. The mailman has woken me up the past few days. It’s terrible and I feel that I could just fall asleep at any

  9. I should be sleeping but I had to read this, like asap. Hilarious as usual.
    1-Did you ever wonder how they get the “M”s on M&Ms? No, but this will now keep me awake
    2-If you could only read one book for the rest of you life, what would you have for a snack? Dark choc KitKat
    3-What was the first CD that you ever bought? (Not record or tape, but CD.) Vanessa Mae-The Violin Player (I was going through a big classical music phase)
    4-Are you stealing your Internet? If so where are you located because I’m tired of paying for mine. No, but it is included in my very high rent
    5-Do you think that I’m joking? No
    6-Should I keep asking questions? Yes, you amuse me
    7-If you answered “no” to number 6, why did you read this? If you answered “yes”, are you mental? Yes
    8-If you answered number 7 yet said “no” to number 6, are you a Cthuhlu? If you answered “yes” to both number 6 and 7, then you are probably me. Had to stop and google “Cthuhlu”
    9-I talk to myself. Doesn’t everyone
    10-Number 9 wasn’t a question unless you are me, then you know what I was asking. Of course
    11-Are you sleeping okay, dear? No, this was my week of midnights and my sleep schedule is nuttier than usual
    I LOL for a good 5 minutes at the “what is Chinese people tattooed lame English words on themselves”

  10. #5#5#5#5#5#5#5!!!!!!

    Did you hear he told the producers how he wants the stories to end in case he dies before he finishes the series? I’m like Jesus, Georgie-R, put the pen to paper already! How much funding do you think HBO really has? I’m worried we won’t get to the end — they’re going to have to split up the remaining books into two seasons, I’m thinking. So that’s…12 seasons? Dude, that’s a LOT. And that show ain’t cheap.

    Also, the Jungle answer made me DIE. You are wildly clever and I love you.

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