A Tale of a Klutz and a Halloween Scare

I’m not going to lie–one of my personal* favorite** compliments is when I’m told I’m a badass. It’s actually a little hilarious because with how many stupid things I’ve done and continue to do I don’t see how I can be a legitimate badass. Sure I’ve attacked a home intruder with pen and threw a cheating guy’s keys down the sewer drain, but I’ve also fallen on the floor of my gym from laughing too hard and locked myself in a public toilet. The only possible way that I could truly rock the badass moniker is that I’ve learned to roll with my foibles and see them as comedies to be shared rather than embarrassments to be hidden. To illustrate this point, and in honor of (New Jersey’s) Halloween today, I’m going to share a tale of past Halloween scare.

*This is my favorite compliment as a person, but I’ll admit that my absolute, overall favorite compliments are about my writing.

**I’ve finally switched my spellcheck from UK to USA so the extra “U”s will be gone.

This tale took place during a time when I behaved incredibly un-badass. Not surprisingly this was during my early teens when pretty much everyone feels like shit about themselves. A group of friends and I went on a Halloween “Walk of Horror” at a camp where you took a guided walk through the woods and masked monsters would jump out to scare you.

running scared, haunted house attrationThe walk ended in the section of the camp where there were a dozen or so log cabins. There was a bonfire blazing and we were rewarded with hot cigar and warm donuts for making it through the woods. We had been chatting and enjoying a treats for about five minutes when the sound of a chainsaw ripped through the air, and a guy dressed as Leatherface ran out from one of the cabins. Everyone screamed louder than I have ever heard (to this day) people scream and scattered in all directions. This was back before I had any kind of martial arts or weapons training so my instinct was still “flight” rather than “kick your fucking ass” and I ran along with everyone else. The last thing I remembered was the feeling of plastic against my face and thinking ‘OH MY GOD I CAN’T MOVE!’ and then I found myself on the ground with people staring at me. Apparently I had been so terrified that I had bolted and ran smack into one of the cabins (which had been covered with black plastic…I’ve still no idea why) and knocked myself out.

I was embarrassed at the time but luckily I outgrew being self-conscious of my klutziness and find it hilarious now. It’s a good thing, too, since I’ve knocked myself out at least twice since that story.

Who else has a Halloween story to share? It doesn’t have to be embarrassing–although that will earn you extra Kat points for ballz.

15 thoughts on “A Tale of a Klutz and a Halloween Scare

  1. I’m glad your un-badassery didn’t result in you being carved by a chainsaw like a Thanksgiving turkey. Did everyone else make it out? Did anyone blame you for the killings because you were the only one left at the scene? I take your stories too literally sometimes don’t I?

    <3

  2. I’m a klutz, and I accept that about myself.

    I loved this story! Way to be fabulously klutzy. That takes a level of awesomeness that not many people can achieve. 🙂

  3. Chico, CA: A friend turned 21 that day. My small group of friends decided it would be a much wiser idea to spend Halloween inside watching a scary movie. Until said friend called, so drunk he didn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground, telling us which bars he was at. Unfortunately, every other bar he listed was completely across town from the previous bars listed, so we knew he was so shitfaced that he only knew what CITY he was in. As a group (me, my roomie, her boyfriend, and one of his friends I had only just met), decided to strut around downtown Chico to find this guy. We were without costumes. Trust me when I say, NEVER DO THAT. We were booed and hissed the entire time we went looking for this guy. We also heard a lot of “what? too good for costumes?!”. My roomie and I were groped several times. Both front and back. Her boyfriend tried protecting her and after a frightful moment for me, his random friend had my back. In the um platonic way. In the end, we found the drunk bastard in the middle of the street – the crowd was holding him up. We managed to get him out of the crowd and the dumbass decided it was wise to try to pick a fight with every single guy we came across on the way back to the car. Once in the car he managed to pass out. We dragged his sorry ass into his apartment (he puked along the way, leaving a great trail), where my roommate and I were left to babysit this guy in his passed out state to make sure he didn’t die from inhaling his own vomit, while the two guys went back to find the drunk’s car and bring it back to his apartment. He lived. We, however, didn’t speak to him for quite some time. And he never thanked us. I had to endure a lot of groping to help find his sorry ass – it scarred me for life. And I have not done another Chico, CA Halloween since and never will.

  4. As we dont do Halloween, I have no stories. I am however going to be cheeky and wonder about the handing out of cigars to school children.
    And what do you have against the inclusion of “u” in words. Always seems find to me.

    So glad you you came through the storm ok. I was terribly worried

  5. My second least favorite emotion after regret is fear. I hate to be scared! I avoid all scary houses/haunted forest type things. What I can’t avoid is one sassy and clever 7 y/o who finds no greater joy in life than hiding from me and jumping out at me when I least expect it. It’s like scary movie day every day around here.

  6. I do like to be scared, but not at those haunted house/hayride/people with masks on events. Mainly because they don’t make me scared. They make me sad. SAD AT THEIR SORRY EXCUSE OF A SCAREFEST. Also, sad for the people working there, because people do some real dickish things when they’re scared. Like hit people. Or pee.

  7. Hahahaha! No, I am not sorry I’m laughing! The mini-film that just happened in my head made me laugh! THANK YOU FOR BRIGHTENING MY DAY WITH YOUR PAAAAIN AND MISERYYY!

    Okay, OKAAAY, I’m sorry. It just makes me feel better knowing there’s someone else out there it’s happened to… at least you were running from something and not just say, RUNNING. Ahem…

    I’m actually such a pansy when it comes to this stuff… I hate scary movies, scary houses, scary costumes… 🙁 I like thrills and suspense, but gore and terror are just not my things. I like the creative (and sweet!) side of Halloween, though!

    PS. I need to find this place of warm dougnuts and hot ‘cigars.’

    PSS. I don’t know who the authority is on bad-assery, but I’m pretty sure you’d be a board member if such an organization existed.

  8. OMG—you knocked yourself out running into a wall. My gosh I love you! haha.

    My most embarrassing Halloween tale was already shared here last year and involved peeing my pants (as an adult) in a haunted house. VERY un-badass of me.

  9. I actually get scared at those things, not because the people in costumes scare me, but because I think wow, this would be SUCH a great place for a deranged person to dress up and actually kill people with a chainsaw and then I just assume that it is happening. My mind goes too far sometimes.

    Anyway, I had an embarrassing story this Halloween if you haven’t already read it.

  10. Can’t help it, that did kinda create a funny image *snicker* Poor you though, and I think you’re right. OWNING those slip ups is totally badass! I nearly knocked myself out a few months ago, and I cant even say I was being terrifyingly chased or anything. Just walking around the house, slipped – face into wall! I was home alone too, so I had to explain what happened to everyone. Oh, and those ‘extra U’s’ you speak of are in the English language, how come you get to take them out? I had to learn them all! 🙂

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