The Battle for the Halloween McNuggets

Sibling fightsDespite the large gap in age, my brother, (known as Gator on here), and I are very close. And as with all siblings who are close we tend to antagonize the shit out of each other. As a matter of fact I just remembered this weekend–while hanging out with my dear Jewels–that I found out that I liked pumpkin pie because my brother liked it, did something (I don’t remember exactly) to annoy me and I ate the last piece of Thanksgiving pumpkin pie out of spite.

While there are always new and traumatizing ways to annoy each other, one battle in particular has been raging for years:

The Battle for the McDonald’s Halloween McNuggets.

The Happy Meal is one of McDonalds’ most evil schemes ever. The lure of fast food is kryptonite enough for the average American child, but throw in a toy that comes with that salt-laden, diabetes-inducing garbage and you might as well change the name from “Happy Meal” to “Parent’s Worst Nightmare–(unless you’re a trailer troller, then it’s probably “Parent’s Best Friend”).   In October of 1993 and 1996 the Happy Meal weapon of choice toy was plastic nuggets dressed in different Halloween costumes. There were six nugget, each with a different face and costume with could be mixed and matched between the nuggets. It was pure evil marketing genius. I was a teenager at that time so I manged to avoid being snared in these heinous traps but my brother was only a kid and fell for them hook, line and cholesterol. My mother was not one to overindulge us in fast food, however my brother did manage to collect all twelve Halloween McNuggets.

Over the years, my brother lost interest in playing with the Halloween McNuggets and my mother grew more attached to them. They were no longer toys but my mother’s favourite Halloween decorations. She became so protective of these bits of plastic bits of commercialism that when a house guest admired them, she counted the nuggets after they left to make sure that they hadn’t taken any.

About ten years ago–when my brother was the teenager and I’m was a so-called adult–my mother, knowing how much I love Halloween made a remark my having the Halloween McNuggets after she was gone.

“What?!” my brother sputtered. “They’re mine!”
“You haven’t looked at them in years! And your sister loves Halloween,” my mother told him.
“I don’t care! And I like them, too!” my brother insisted.
“Since when?” I glared at him.
“Since always!” he glared back.
“Alright, then you can share them,” my mother replied.
“I’m not sharing! They’re mine!” my brother insisted.
“You won’t even share?” I snapped.
“No! They. Are. Mine!” my brother snarled.

Thus began the battle began.

Every year, when my mother pulls the McNuggets out of the attic and decorates the television stand with them, my brother and I argue over who will have custody of the nuggets. My brother insists that they were his toys. I point out that Mom bought them and took care of them. He counters that she doesn’t even always remember which face goes with which costume so that shows that he knows the nuggets better. (And I have to tell you that in typing this out I’m even more aware of what a bunch of fucking lunatics we are in this family–especially because it only gets worse.)

halloween mcnuggets, mcdonald'sTwo days ago I found out that the legend of my brother’s and my Battle for the Halloween McNuggets has spread across the family, and apparently they are taking sides.

“Is it true that Gator and Kat are fighting over the Halloween McNuggets?” my aunt called to ask my mother.
“Oh yes, this battle has been going on for years. I’m not worried about making provisions in my will about the house or the car, but I had better leave some clause in there about these nuggets. I told them that they had to share though Gator insists that he won’t,” my mother replied.
“Well they were Gator’s toys so he should get them all,” my aunt told my mother. “I’m sure that Kat didn’t want them at the time or we would have bought her some.”
I happened to hear this through the phone and was thunderstruck.
“What the fuck? I was a teenager! Of course I didn’t want them then! But Gator didn’t want them for years after he had them!” I bellowed.
“Your brother and your cousin used to play with them all together!” my aunt shouted through the phone back.
“Then I’ll take Shell’s!” I threatened (though I wouldn’t really take my cousin’s nuggets.)
“I have a few of them that Kat can have!” I heard my grandmother shout through my aunt’s phone (they live together–my graom doesn’t have that big of a mouth.)
“This is all because Gator won’t share!” I yelled, at which point my brother entered the argument so that there were five of us having one phone conversation and yes I realize how fucking mental this all is.

And so the battle rages on.

My aunt is on my brother’s side, my cousin is on my side, my grandmother is trying to be Switzerland and my mother is terrified that she is going to die and my brother and I will kill each in a fighting for custody of The Halloween McNuggets.

Who do you all think should win? And for the record, I’m not trying to claim all of the nuggets, I’m aiming for five, but Gator insists that they are all his.

*On a final ironic note neither my brother not I have eaten McDonald’s in years.

EDIT-If you read the comments then you will see that my cousin has switched sides. And now I will reconsider taking her nuggets.

36 thoughts on “The Battle for the Halloween McNuggets

  1. They look like little Potato-Head’s. I’m so creeped out by them and the thought that they could literally be REAL McNuggets (cause you know they don’t biodegrade, right?) that I feel like I should be wearing a hazmat suit just looking at the pics! Kat, I think you should have them though, cause you know, fuck sharing. 🙂

  2. Sorry Kat, I’m on Gators side this time.

    By the way, my BFF was at my house during the phone call. She says it’s the best conversation she’s ever heard.

  3. It’s hard to know who really has the right to determine the fate of the nuggets, but I think it should be your mother. She’s the one that took custody of the nuggets for all those years. To be honest, I don’t think you or your brother really want them. He only cares because your mother said she was giving them to you, and you only care because he got so upset about it.

    Maybe you should just cremate the things and have a nice funeral, save your mother the stress. Just an idea. 🙂

    PS: I need to meet your family. They sound awesome. 🙂

  4. honestly, I’m not at all surprised by this battle nor do I find it arbitrary. Those things are freaking amazing!! Can there be a shared custody with yearly trade off? hmmm….ebay? of course i side with you…but fighting Gator for plastic nuggets.,,ahhhh who am I kidding…I’ll come help you with the hostile takeover.

  5. Holy shit, this is awesome! LMAO (literally)

    I cannot *believe* you and your brother are fighting over plastic McNuggets. That is like the best sibling quarrel I’ve ever heard of. (I’m an only child so I have to live vicariously through those with siblings) I’m totally on your side, however, I do find it funny that the whole family is getting in on this and that your mom has actually had the thought of putting a clause in her will.

    Total. Awesomeness.

    Team Kat. lol

  6. I just looked at the picture again, some of the nuggets aren’t even wearing the right costumes.

    The pumpkin nugget is in the cyclops costume.
    The cyclops nugget is in the Frankenstein costume.
    The rockstar nugget is in the pumpkin costume.
    The Frankenstein nugget is in the rockstar costume.

  7. You do realise that while you are fighting over the plastic toys, your mother is selling all the good stuff and planning on spending your inheritance on a grand European tour?

  8. You could send them to me…or would that be out of the question all together? If only Happy Meals still had these kind of toys rather than crappy plastic spongebob mugs tht spin around when you push a button! 😛 x

  9. I used to have a few of these too. He’ll, ANY of the toys were must have. The Barbies they did one year? I had all but the ballerina. Went to every McD’s in town. I never got it. 🙁

    As for custody of the nuggets, legally I can tell you it should be whoever can provide a stable, clean, chew-proof environment. Oh what am I saying, little brothers are a pain. He owes you pain and suffering retribution. TAKE THEM!!!

  10. Goddamnit, now I really want some nuggets. THANKS, KAT.

    But I always loved those nuggets. Mostly because I loved the food nuggets. Weird: I was borderline obsessed with McNugget figurines but I thought the California Raisins were creepy as hell.

    Except when they sang Heard It Through the Grapevine. That’s some damn fine comedy right there.

  11. This was hysterical, and i can so relate! I have an older brother, and for the most part we get along, but if we spend too much time together, or stay on the phone too long, it’s battle time! Our most common fight is when I, someone with no kids, tells him how to parent his children. He gets so pissed! I love it!

    As far as your fight goes, as a sister, I can only side with you. You get half the nuggets, which are completely adorable by the way.

  12. I Love those things, and I don’t have any! Not even one! So you should send them to me, a perfect stranger. That should end the argument.

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