I usually avoid writing about events that I know every other writer is talking about on their blogs, but I’ve been doing the Year in Review thing for many a New Year’s now, so I’m making an exception. I’m actually happy that this is a blogging trend and would probably follow it even if I had not been doing it for years because I’ve really loved reading everyone’s reflections on the past year. This Year in Review is a little different than the previous years though because it was it was one year ago today, I started seriously blogging. As a result, I don’t need to chronicle the events of 2011 in detail since most of the major ones are listed in the archives, that thing to the left that I call the “Athenæum” because I love ridiculously obscure words. Instead I’m going to reflect a bit on how those events affected me.
Oh dear God she’s going to get introspective.
Yeah, this is likely gonna be one of those entirely skippable entries since I’ll babble and emote to the point that the entry will be just a squishy mess of fucking-feely-mushy-mush that will make your teeth hurt. Don’t worry, the next entry will be back to WTF that is my life as usual. To those wise peeps who are jumping off at this point of the entry, I just want to say Happy New Year! Thank you for helping make my year rock outlaid.
Now on with the mushy-mush, heavy, thinky shit.
WARNING: LAST CHANCE TO RUN BEFORE I START SENTIMENTAL BABBLING!
Writing has always been a huge part of me. I was about four years old when I began drawing pictures and making up stories to go along with them. Unfortunately, since I seemed to have a natural gift for writing pretty well, I took the skill for granted and never pushed myself to become better. I think this had to do with my most hated emotion and the one that I seem to be fucking constantly battling: fear. I was afraid to find out that “pretty well” was the best that I could do. I was afraid that, while I might be a star in the Little League, that I could never compete in the Majors. I’d done too much stagnating during the past five years though, and it was time to either face the truth if I sucked, or to stop making excuses and write like I’ve always wanted to do. For whatever reason, I chose to blog as a means to figure out if my writing was shit or not, and it’s one of the best things I have ever done.
I’ve experienced several devastating losses in 2011, the first and the one with the largest impact was losing the job I had held for nearly ten years. To fully appreciate what a loss this was you would have to know how impossible it is for me to stay in one place for very long, let alone ten years. That alone is indication of how much the place meant to me, but also, losing my job resulted in the loss of many things such as a steady income, health insurance, several friends who I would no longer see every day, and just security in general.
2011 also saw the loss of a dear friend, one whom I still go to text when I have an urge to say something stupid and be called mental. I could say more about her loss, but honestly it’s one that I’m still dealing with and don’t want to talk about. Suffice to say it’s been pretty shitty.
If I had experienced either of these losses in the previous year, they probably would have been enough to send me spiraling back down into the Walking Ghost Phase that I had been living for the previous three years, but fortunately this year had been enriched in ways that I could have never imagined.
What I’m getting to in a much longer route than I had anticipated was that this blog has made the difference for me this year. Oh my God that sounds so fucking sappy. On a writing level, it helped me to maintain a better–though still not brilliant–writing schedule. It’s also given me some confidence that my writing might not be completely crappy given the amount of positive feedback that I’ve received about it. My writing even led to my blog getting BONed, a honour that I’m still reeling over. And if someone had told me that by the end of the year that I would have 800 people following my writing, I would have called them a filthy name. It makes me think that perhaps my writing doesn’t suck.
On a more personal level, I have formed some brilliant relationships, and that is amazing because my guarded nature unfortunately applies to not only my writing, but also to how close I let people get to me. Jewels, Randy, Nicki, even S.O., and quite a few others that I’ve mentioned in past entries (see my Blog roll for more), were all people that I did not know a year ago, and cannot imagine not having in my life now. They, and all of you dear readers, are a blessing that I never, ever saw coming.
I’ll wrap this squishy package up by saying that while 2011 punched with some heavy fists, I was also held by some gentle hands. The glass of Tequila is always half full.
Unless it’s my glass, in which case it’s empty.
Not because I’m a pessimist, I just love Tequila.
Best Wishes for Happiness, Health and Kicking ass for you all!
Slàinte! (<—Scots Gaelic spelling, as opposed to my usual Irish version, in honour of Auld Lang Syne)