The Past Eight Days In 27 Sentences (Or So)

What do you do when you are pressed for time and your eyes are strained, but you haven’t done a blog post in over a week?


  1. This is the ultimate blog post cheat since I make lists all the time anyway.
  2. I worked ALL. DAY. YESTERDAY. on finishing the book I’ve been writing procrastinating about for years because I’ve had it, and this fucker is getting finished within six months.
  3. I have eye strain from this.
  4. The irony of being an optometry tech yet suffering from eye strain is not lost on me.
  5. The irony of being a part-time optometry tech yet working 40+ a week is not lost on me either.
  6. The irony of the term “fresh frozen” is a little lost on me.
  7. If the Zombie Apocalypse comes before I’m finished writing my book, I will postpone kicking zombie ass and feeding hipsters to them until after I’m done this book.
  8. That is remarkable because I’ve been training for the Zombie Apocalypse my entire life and I really hate hipsters.
  9. I am a Twittering MASTER!
  10. I’ve decided to use the word “twittering” as a synonym for “using a vibrator” from now on.
  11. Number 9 is still accurate.
  12. In related news, my dear sweet friend, Jewels, reposted one of my smut pieces on her Naughty Nothings blog.
  13. You are welcome, from both of us.
  14. I (← Hey kids! This is a link to Kat’s Twitter account because she’s an attention whore!) share credit for the best hashtags ever ie: #hecklingbuildscharacter with my loves, Nicki and Celia and #randomsnugglepunch with darling RandyGirl.
  15. My most retweeted tweet was “Was a Republican 4 Halloween. Gave all the candy 2 the big kids & told the small ones that they could have candy if the big kids dropped it.”
  16. My second most retweeted tweet is “I’m later than Odysseus returning from Troy”. #speakingonlyinnerdyanalogies
  17. Conclusion: I think about twittering too much lately.
  18. Heh heh heh.
  19. Baked ziti and coffee taste horrible together.
  20. I want both baked ziti and coffee right now so I’m consuming them together anyway.
  21. My eyes really fucking hurt, but I’m writing this because I love you guys!
  22. Random dildo statement.
  23. I probably didn’t need number 22. since I only say “dildo” when my entry is becoming disturbingly coherent and I don’t think that “coherent” accurately describes this post.
  24. I’ve been engaged in psychological warfare with my upstairs neighbor where he screams like a fucking banshee during football games and I belt out ABBA karaoke.
  25. We’re probably both going to get evicted for disturbing the peace before it’s over.
  26. I get more immature than usual when I’m tired.
  27. Uranus has 27 moons. *snickers*

We will return to your regularly scheduled what-the-fuckery as soon as it doesn’t feel like I soaked my contacts in lemon juice.

21 thoughts on “The Past Eight Days In 27 Sentences (Or So)

  1. I love your list!! And I am going to file this under what-the-fuckery anyways because I think it qualifies since you a) threw “dildo” in just for the fun of it b) shout out to the #randomsnugglepunch nation and c)are my Sweet Kat which instantly makes me fall in love with everything you post.

  2. Good luck with the book. Laziness and procrastination is a writer’s worst enemy. One I know all too well.

    Also, if you want some inspiration for your next ‘smut’ piece, just imagine either of us in that Buggs Bunny drag you mentioned. Or, even better, an oversized one-sie, the one with the butt flap.

    You’re welcome… for the mental picture.

  3. Thank you for following up #s 9 & 10 with 11. Saves me the trouble of wondering/asking. #27- I know about mine, what about yours? #4 &5-I love irony. #7 & 8- thankfully I know no hipsters. #25- better to be evicted for disturbing the peace than for twittering.

  4. No shit…22 made me laugh out loud! Haha. Thanks for sending traffic (my) your way over at Naughty Nothings…shit is good and I loved re-sharing it with my new audience. 🙂 Hits are through the roof but nobody likes commenting and admitting they read fantastic smut! haha.

    I can attest to the insanity that is your neighbor and I love the fact that you ABBA’d his ass. hehe

    Rest those eyes with some #9 action, rest yourself, and then hit that book again, hard, with renewed vigor. You can do it! 🙂

  5. As usual I can’t go to sleep until I’ve read my favorite blog, and get my daily exercise, which is rolling on the floor laughing my ass off while trying NOT to pee myself at the same time, the full extent of my daily exercise routine. I also shared the post out with that statement re: the exercise…
    On the Twittering Master, would that be masturbation twittering or twitter twittering? hee hee ho ho they’re coming to take YOU away. After they pick ME up on the way ;-P
    DId I miss the holiday meal conversation post???

  6. What I meant to say was…

    Never again will I be able to hear or read the word “twittering” without laughing. And please blast your neighbour with megawatts of “Knowing me, knowing you!” At least you know who to feed the zombies with first. 😀

  7. Only thing I miss about twitter is your total awesomeness.
    I need now to go reread your smut because I miss talking smut with you too now I don’t write it any more.

    Hugs for you sweet lady

  8. @RandyGirl-I LOVE our #randomsnugglepunch almost as much as I love you, my darling RandyGirl.~ *MWAH!*

    @bobo-As promised, you will be one of the firsts to read this bastard. 😉

    @A Beer for the Shower-The fuck? Lazy?!!?

    I keed, I keed. Thank you for the well wishes, guys.~

    @Gia-It’s quite an interesting flavor combo. =P

    @Average Girl-It’s been quite a battle. 😉

    @Mary A.-They are both BRILLIANT, aren’t they? ^_^

    @CWMartin-It’s possible that I disturb the peace while twittering, too…

    @Ant’-I’d do a list about why lists are awesome but I think it would cause reality to fold in on itself.

    @Jewels-One of the things that made me so made about the food poisoning-aside from the vomiting, pain and excavation–was that we couldn’t laugh at my neighbor together since he was screaming while you were there! D=

    @AWOLGina-Glad to give you your exercise, darling.~ And no, the Christmas 2011 post isn’t up yet since I’m still too traumatized to recall the night yet. ;-P

    @Eriu-“Knowing Me, Knowing You” has been blasted MANY times over the past two weeks. >:D

    @Mynx-I miss you being on twittering, my lovely Mynxy–PLEASE COME BACK!!! D=

    @Michael-I was wondering where “Troy” had been mentioned since I do sometimes just write shit without really reading it, but I’m glad that my post contributed to a happy night, darlin’.~

  9. Goddamn now I really want a snickers!! Why did you have to sneak that word in there at the end? I was doing so well!

    I am also a twittering master. Wink wink nudge nudge.

  10. MARY KAT AND CELIA TOGETHER ON ONE PAGE. And Harley too. My God. You attract the best fucking crowd on the blogosphere. Let’s do a Blogging Bitch Pub Crawl.



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