Fah La La La La, Fah Blah Blah Blah!

I’ve got good news, and I’ve got bad news, my dear peeps.

The bad news is that I got food poisoning and despite what some people might think, it doesn’t make the holidays bright.

The good news is…

Actually NOTHING!

This fucking blows! Literally! I don’t know what bacteria it was which invaded my darling body, but whatever it was, said body attacked it with extreme prejudice, throwing an unholy fit and calling for mass evacuation of all cavities! It was very fucking rude too because I had planned on renting the food I had eaten for a little longer than two hours!

Anyway, for some reason I get the urge to make cartoons when I’m sick, like how I made this little gem back when I had the flu in February, so you get to hear the “Tale of the Turntail Tuna” in comic form.

STORY TIEMZ!

Once upon a time there was a girl named Kat who was very excited to be going out with her friend, Jewels.

food poisoning comic

Jewels and Kat went to a cute li’l “pop shop” and ordered a sumptuous feast complete with fries, a large tuna sandwich, and milk shakes for dessert.

Food poisoning comic panel 2

About half an hour after finishing their food, Kat began to notice a rumbling in her tummy.

Food poisoning comic panel 3

Kat continued to ignore the obvious disturbance in the force because, as has been stated in previous Stupid Kat Tricks, she has issues with denial.  (Also in this case, she really wanted to catch up with her friend, Jewels.)

Food poisoning comic panel 4

She did wonder if she had suddenly fallen in an Alien movie.  Kat only hoped that it was the first or second Alien, since the third and fourth movies sucked.

Food poisoning comic panel 5

After a couple of hours, Kat and Jewels decided to head back to her place to chat some more.

Food poisoning comic panel 6

As soon as they reached Kat’s apartment though, Kat was forced to make a mad dash for the loo.  She emerged after a while, disheveled and clammy, but sure that the torture would pass and that she would be free to continue the visit with Jewels.

Food poisoning comic panel 7

The girls then agreed to cut their visit short and catch up again after Christmas.  After Jewels left Kat calmly admitted to herself that her tummy hurt a bit.

Food poisoning comic panel 8

Of course, her low blood pressure and parasympathetic response to adrenaline meant that she blacked out a few times from the excruciating pain.  Kat called her aunt for help (shocking since Kat doesn’t ask for help) and to bring her medication (double shocking since Kat has an aversion to medicines).

Food poisoning comic panel 9

(FUN BONUS FACT! Both residents of Kat’s abode–herself and her dog–can now lay claim to having thrown up on the carpet!)

Kat finally came up with a logical and mature solution to her battle with food poisoning.

Food poisoning comic panel 10

Her aunt disagreed with this solution; she got Kat Gatorade instead.

The End.

Epilogue

I’m doing much better now.

Also?  If this entry doesn’t satisfy number 19: Share details of a bodily function or fluid on my List of Shameless Shit, then I don’t know what would.

**All of these ridiculous pictures were created at SP-Studio.

25 thoughts on “Fah La La La La, Fah Blah Blah Blah!

  1. UGH! I once got a stomach virus that had me throwing up every hour for approximately 6 hours. I had to mix water and gatorade and drink it by the teaspoon. AWFUL.

    Feel better! Hey, on the bright side, now you don’t have to feel as guilty about bingeing on xmas cookies (orrr is it just me who does that?)

  2. OH MY GOODNESS! Only you could make such misery into amusing cartoons! I promise your progression was not that alarming from my view…though you looked a tad haggard when I left. I’m so sorry that you got sick, sweetie. 🙁 I feel awful for not staying now or going to get you meds but I thought it was just your belly acting up and thought you’d appreciate privacy instead of a friend chilling in your living room.

    BIG HUGS! Have fun on Saturday at dinner…hopefully you are well enough to enjoy some of your hard work. Love ya! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

  3. My darling Kat! 1) The title is hilarious – props to your always amazing cleverness. 2) As devastatingly terrible as the experience was for you, I’m still pretty sure you’re the only fabulous person who can make light of it and find inspiration for a hilarious artistic rendition. 3) I frackin’ love you.

    Merry Christmas, you saucy nauseous minx!

  4. Food poisoning is one of the worst things I’ve ever had. Pain, projectile vomiting, liquid leakage and fever. I ended up in the hospital to get double IV’s and suppositories. I was in bed for 4 days straight. Then the migraine hit. It lasted for 2 straight days. And so because I know how horrible you felt/feel, I so appreciate these little funny cartoons you created. Because we know there’s nothing funny about food poisoning! Feel better and enjoy your holiday! So good to hear from you!! Hugs.

  5. My stomach hurt just reading this post. Great cartoon, well, as great as it can be with expression and empathy!

    Hope you don’t ever feel that way again!

    Merry Christmas

  6. shit and barf in the same post!

    way cool…
    but sorry you got food poisoning.

    i am surprised that it is not a more common occurrence…

    that is why i never go to crapplabies…

    joy and happiness that you got to hang with jewels…

  7. Oh my sweet Kat, so so very sorry that your body revolted on you in such a disgusting way, especially so close to the holidays. Glad you are feeling better now. And you are extra kick-ass for telling the story with your super fantastic cartoons!

    Merry Christmas love!

  8. How come Jewels wasn’t sick? was her tuna fresher than yours? 😛 Did she have a different milkshake? There’s something fishy about this random food poisoning hit contract on your gut. Of course the worst kind is from seafoods, salmonella has nothing on fish poisoning intensity. Also loved those facial expressions, how those cartoons morphed over time, could just imagine that as a real person with that face. Now, wouldn’t it be nice if the pet cleaned up YOUR mess once in awhile? heh heh

    Now please tell me some xmas what-the-fuckery is coming soon? If you still had any energy & appetite left after this mega battle that is.

  9. 1. Ugh, not a pleasant or meaningful experience.
    2. Dog puke is easier to clean up.
    3. Glad you’re feeling better.
    4. (Almost put not getting foodpoisoning on my list of good things)
    5. Glad I stumbled across your blog
    6. Sorry I haven’t been commenting lately, got swamped
    7. Any list is better than new years resolutions
    8. Have a happy (and projectile free) new year!

  10. You are one helluva blogger, Ms. Kat. I would’ve used food poisoning as an excuse to not blog for three weeks.

    P.S. I LOVE that you went South Park on this.

    P.P.S. YOU MADE YOUR AUNT CLEAN THE CARPET?!?! baaaaahahahhahahhahahhahahhahaha #bestcommentever

  11. Oh, Kat, I can so relate. A few years ago I poisoned myself for New Years! I had a plan to make some delicious potato soup but back then I was still procrastinating pretty much all the time, so the potatoes sat in a bin in my kitchen far longer than they should’ve. When the time came, Dec. 30th, that I actually started preparing the soup they’d gone a bit green. In case you didn’t know (I can’t recall if I knew, but it’s beside the point) green potatoes CAN literally kill you! They release a toxic chemical at that stage. I was (apparently) too lazy to cut away the green parts or peel the potatoes or anything really other than boil them and put them through a processor and into a soup pot.

    Oddly enough, the soup still tasted pretty darn good, but by the next day, my stomach was in knots. I thought it would pass, but I ended up spending the better part of New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day, and the next in the bathroom. All exits evacuating. Ugh. It didn’t occur to me until after I’d recovered that I could’ve actually died, nor did I ever seek medical attention. I R SMRT!

  12. I got food poisoning once. My then husband did, too. We’d eaten the same thing. Thank goodness we hadn’t given it to our children though two of them were babies and not eating solid food. Fun fact, when suffering from food poisoning your equilibrium is so off it’s damn near impossible to pick up a baby. I had two, plus three more kids. Damn. Like you, I just wanted to die. Or I thought that if I could just lay down all would be right with the world. But it doesn’t let you lay down for very long. All was not right with the world. Since both of us were incapacitated, we had to call for reinforcements to care for the children. I wanted to go to the ER but didn’t want to get up to go to the ER. Here’s another fun fact, food poisoning does not pass to breast milk. So I continued to breast feed the babies. I had fluids coming out of my breasts as well. Ha! Since the episode I waste so much food by throwing it out because I think that maybe something sitting near it has expired. And all my meat is well done. Well, burnt.

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