Do You Love to be Scared? My Girl Jewels DOES NOT! And She’s Gonna Tell Ya’ About It!

The Halloween-palooza continues!

When I posted Tuesday’s Halloween-palooza entry, I was keenly aware that my movie clips, hilarious though they were, might still creep out those who are very spooky-sensitive.  In particular, I thought of my very dear friend, Jewels, who is so notorious for being freaked out by spookables that I had even considered adding a disclaimer to the Evil Dead 2 clip because I thought that the laughing deer might scare her a bit.  I am very proud of her though, because Jewels was a trooper and she did watch my hilarious-horror clips–you go, darlin’!  After reading the comment that she left me on that entry, I was struck with the brilliant idea to ask Jewels to present her views on Halloween as a chickie who loves the holiday, yet doesn’t enjoy scares.  She rose to the request in her usual awesome fashion, and so it gives me uber happiness to announce that today I am hosting my first every guest post!

Check out Jewels’ thoughts on Halloween scares on here, and then head over to her place at According to Jewels, for her views on scary movies in particular.  And can I just say even I did not have the cajones to post a picture of fucking Linda Blair from The Exorcist in horror movie post, Jewels!!  WTF, girl?!?!?

Also!  If you want a completely different kinda Halloween story, Jewels also has a naughty blog, called Naughty Nothings, and she has posted a Halloween tale on there that will give you goosebumps for a very different reason, nomsayin’? *wink, wink*

And now without further who-na-na from Kat, I present a post by a wonderful person and brilliant writer, my lovely friend Jewels.~

Thank you so much for writing for me, sweetie. xx

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I have to thank the amazingly talented Kat for hosting me here today.  I will warn you that in comparison I pale to her genius but I make up for it with an overwhelming desire to please…it’s sad really.  Since we share a love for Halloween but for totally different reasons I was thrilled to agree to do a guest post for her…plus you don’t say no to her…she has nunchucks and knows how to use them!

scaredy cat, halloween catI have never made it a secret that I am a giant baby and thus it should come as no shock that while I love Halloween I loathe being scared.  There are some people that don’t necessarily like scary things but they like the adrenaline of being scared (take my lovely host Kat for example)…that is NOT me.  For me there is nothing more likely to cause my fist to meet your face than scaring me around a corner or in a dark room.  My first reaction is scream and strike.  People around me have been warned prior to any forms of pranking and now think twice (or scare from behind the safety zone line) before scaring me.  To me being scared is like being tickled past the point of “haha” and jumping straight to the “OH MY GOD STOP OR I WILL KILL YOU” feeling.  You know the one I’m talking about…don’t pretend that you don’t.

There are certain friends of mine who take great pride in conning me into watching scary movies.  Can I watch them?  Sure, I have eyes after all.  Do I enjoy them?  Shit no!  I will soldier through watching the movie with my hands, pillows, or both, over my eyes the majority of the time.  I will be screaming, jumping, and excusing myself more than necessary to use the restroom or get more water (who am I kidding…I’m getting booze to build my nerves) whenever the music starts to build.  I will grab, slap, squeeze, and even punch whatever part of your body is nearest to me if you have the misfortune of being next to me when I get scared.  I have even been known to bite down on the shoulder of one unfortunate man when I didn’t want to scream and wake other people in the house (then again I do this when not scared if you get my drift…hehe).  Yeah…I get that scared.  I really don’t understand why people enjoy scaring me that much…then again I’m sure I make a pretty amusing vision while I’m jumping, hiding, and screaming, “No no no! Don’t go down there!” at the screen.

girl hiding eyes, scared girlEven if I get through the movie with my brave big girl face on I am storing those images, those fears, and those characters in my brain and believe me when I say they come back to haunt me.  I have this incredible imagination and it goes on tangents of its own against my will all the time.  I daydream, I have vivid dreams, I even have night terrors so I don’t need help with my over active imagination.  Every killer and psychopath meets me that night when my head hits the pillow.  Every sound, breeze, shadow, or branch on a window becomes a threat to my life and sleep never comes.  Every toe over the edge of the bed is in jeopardy and every time I close my eyes I swear I hear the killer breathing right down my neck.  If I turn my back to the door they could sneak up on me but if I face the other way the window is in my blind spot.  Fuck…I’ll just sleep on my back–but then all my vital organs are exposed and vulnerable…sleep on my stomach and I’m defenseless.  See where I am going here?  I don’t shut down my brain and think logically…I’m in panic/survival mode from an unreal and ridiculous foe.

Haunted houses are always popular this time of year of course and here’s a shocker…I don’t do well in haunted houses!  I learned the hard way in high school when I went through with friends and straight up peed my pants I was so scared.  Yes, that actually happened…and yes for some reason I’m sharing it. *shakes head*  Hilarious, huh?  My friends and family seem to think so but I beg to differ.  This time of year I do a lot of quick channel changes and mute button pushing to avoid all the scary movie trailers.  I absolutely refuse to attend any events where there will be scary movies playing or haunted houses involved.  This doesn’t mean I don’t love Halloween…I do!  I love the kids’ excitement, the fun decorations, giving out candy and seeing all the cute costumes.  I am a night owl so I love any “holiday” that is night oriented and I love an excuse to dress up…just please don’t scare me!

11 thoughts on “Do You Love to be Scared? My Girl Jewels DOES NOT! And She’s Gonna Tell Ya’ About It!

  1. Hey, good to see Jewels here! We’re both big (and longtime) fans. As for me, I’m on the opposite side of things. It’s too hard to scare me, so I usually just roll my eyes and get annoyed. It would be nice to be scared just once. But no luck yet.

  2. SO MUCH AGREEMENT.

    Actually I just wrote a post about this and then this appeared on my dashboard. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only person who just doesn’t see the point in experiencing all the creepy evil ways people can die onscreen!

  3. My husband is the same way! He loves loves loves Halloween (he actually doesn’t mind doling out the scares), but he hates scary movies or really any movie that gets your heart pumping and the adrenaline rushing.

  4. I am such a haunted house nerd. Oh, man. Never take a theater critic into a haunted house. I end up critiquing all the masked actors. Er, “actors.” I feel like you really got to the heart of the werewolf, but I would’ve liked to see much more pain– did you work out a backstory for this character? Mmm? No? Ah. Well then. That explains it. Your howls were flat. I didn’t feel real emotion. You might need to go method on this one. Go out tonight in your costume and try to taste some real flesh– you know, get inside his head, feel what he feels.

    If that was the most obnoxious comment you’ve ever read, just imagine me saying it out loud. I know. No one takes me to haunted houses anymore. So I totally get your pain. Except I don’t, because I feel like that peeing-your-pants thing trumps EVERYONE’S pain.

  5. Jewels, I am so right there with you! I HATE to be scared, it’s my least favorite feeling right after being extremely cold and/or betrayed which are tied for first. My first instinct is to freeze, the scream, then start punching… it’s not pretty I assure you. We can go wander through the kids corn maze while the grown ups go to the haunted house ok??

  6. Kat-that was the sweetest introduction…EVER! Thanks, sweetums. I don’t know how I had the balls to post the Linda Blair photo but I will tell you that every single time I had to work on it I had to cover her face with one hand and work with the other. hahaha…I’m so special.

    Brandon/Bryan-thanks so much guys. I wish I wasn’t so easily scared sometimes but unfortunately it is out of my control.

    RAMBLER-so glad I’m not alone here. :)

    Sinda-I’m a wimp and I’m okay with it. I don’t care people though because that would just be evil to think I could scare and expect to not be scared back.

    Nicki-that is hilarious that you are a haunted house critic. I’d be too busy freaking out and well…peeing my pants.

    Randy-sounds like a plan to me! I’m glad that you specified kids because the adult ones are EVIL! Masked killers popping out from behind walls whilst trapped in a labyrnth is my ultimate nightmare!

  7. OH! I HATE haunted houses! Freaked out in one when I was little and they had Freddy Krueger jump out and scare us. Think I might have kicked him (or I kicked someone standing nearby, poor thing), screamed, and ran. I have NEVER forgotten that.

    Totally with you on the scary movies–I try to avoid them, but I have watched some…and had to suffer nightmares and/or an overactive imagination that swears some hook-hand fisherman is stalking my house or zombies are going to jump out at me while I’m getting some cereal.

    Remember the first Scream movie? Yeah, well, my parents went to a Christmas party and I was home alone with my puppy dog. Some of the guys I went to school with thought it would be hilarious to call and say, “What’s your favorite scary movie?” I hung up immediately, but then they apparently were nearby because they ran on the porch, knocked on windows, tried the door, etc. My dog was going ballistic and I freaked.

    I don’t do scary very well…at all. So glad to know I’m not the only one. *Hugs*

  8. TFV-I would NEVER, EVER, watch a scary movie while alone in my house. You are nuts! I did see Scream but again it was full of so many cliches that I found it difficult to take seriously…that didn’t stop it from freaking me out though. haha. No worries…you are NOT alone.

  9. I’m exactly like that, haha! I have had nightterrors for months after watching Paranormal Activity with my friends. Strange thing is that I’m not easy to scare at all in ‘real life’. Jump behind some bushes with a bloody face (a friend of mine did that yetserday at a Halloweenparty) and all I do is stop and stare. Perhaps my brother is to blame for that, because he loved to scare me when we were little. Doens’t work nowadays, muahahaha!

  10. Someone else who fears the FOOT monster? I thought he only haunted ME? Those little toes hanging over the bed are its favorite meal! Even as an adult, when I’m supposed to know better, I still won’t bravely let my feet hang off a bed, sorry–I wrap them in the blanket end & sleep diagonally because I’m too tall to fit a bed, without vulnerable toes hanging out for bait. Other than that, I’m alright in the dark, can watch horror flicks and no screaming like a girl unless I’m surprised. I told my ex my biggest secret fear was looking out a window at night & seeing a face looking back in at me. Being on the 2nd floor at the time, I guess I felt safe doling out such info. That night as I bathed, facing the window, a face looked in on me, and I think I fainted, almost drowned in that tub & it was my NOW-ex, who’d climbed onto the roof & found a way to make my biggest fear come true. Now I just never look at windows in the dark, anymore. Problem solved (Oh & got rid of him too :-)
    Gina

  11. Thank you so much Jewels for your brilliant post. You are awesome, sweetie.~ *hugs*

    And to everyone else, YOU. ARE. WELCOME! for my having Jewels here for you to read. I hope you enjoyed her words and will follow more of her adventures at her own casa.~

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