On Wednesday my lovely Randy Girl said that she was drawing a blank for what to write in her blog that day and asked me for a suggestion. Since I’m usually having inappropriate thoughts at any given moment, I asked Randy to tell her readers about the most inappropriate time that she became randy and what she did about it. She more than rose to the challenge, and shared with us a very brilliant story of a bar and a Ryan Reynolds look-alike. A very young Ryan Reynolds look-alike I might add.
Since turnabout is fair play, I told Randy that she could give me a prompt and she returned with “here is your prompt princess. Song lyrics that best match your sexual style. Cite specifics examples, details!Post it up biotch!”
I actually considered goofing off and saying something like “Elegantly Wasted” or “Hooker with a Penis” or “She-Bop” or “I Kissed a Girl” or getting really filthy and saying “Jingle Bells, but I decided to be (somewhat) serious instead, and go with Adam Lambert’s “For Your Entertainment”:
So hot out of the box
Can we pick up the pace
Turn it up, heat it up
I need to be entertained
Push the limit, are you with it?
Baby don’t be afraid
Imma hurt you real good baby
Let’s go it’s my show, baby, do what I say
Don’t trip off the glitz that I’m gonna display
I told you, Imma hold ya down until you’re amazed
Give it to ya til you’re screamin’ my name
No escaping when I start
Once I’m in I own your heart
There’s no way to ring the alarm
So hold on until it’s over
Oh! Do you know what you got into
Can you handle what I’m ’bout to do
‘Cause it’s about to get rough for you
I’m here for your entertainment
Oh! I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet
You thought an angel swept you off your feet
But I’m about to turn up the heat
I’m here for your entertainment
Now my darling wants me to post examples and details of said song applies to my style, so here is an illustrated example of how someone mistakenly “thought an angel had swept him off his feet”.
Once upon a time, there was a guy that I knew from my gym, who I’d been talking and flirting with for a few weeks. One night he texted that he was in my area, and asked if I wanted to meet for a drink. I didn’t have plans since it was a work night, so I met him at the gym, left my car there and we went to a local pub.
We’d only had a couple of beers when “Gym’s” roommate called because he had locked himself out of the house. It wasn’t that late, so we decided that I would just go with Gym to the house and then we’d hit another bar after we let his roommate in. We got to the house, let the roommate in and then we spent the next twenty minutes trying to help him find his key.
[sidenote: do not ever go poking around in a house where three single guys live.]
Rather than waste space talking about the Roommate’s epic quest all over south Jersey to get a key copied, I’ll just skip ahead and say that we ended up hanging out in the kitchen and having a few more beers there. Now, this was the first pseudo-date that I had been on since a bad breakup, and I was indeed feeling a little shy that night. After a couple of hours, I decided to call it a night.
So we started making out in the kitchen, and one thing lead to another and then he took it upon himself to hoist me up and head to the bedroom. Okay, I’ll admit that it was kinda hot, but I don’t care if a guy can whip me around like a ragdoll, I’m still the Alpha, son.
He obviously needed to be put in his place.
Believe me, he didn’t complain. Though he did lament that his brain would never work function right again. *snicker*
The illustrations above where created at SP-Studio. I’m sure they’d be so proud to learn how I’ve used their cartoon creator for my own filthy means.